I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
