Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
