I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
