One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
