I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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