I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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