didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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