So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
