So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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