Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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