I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
