i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
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Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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