And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
