i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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