Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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