You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
