I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize