You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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