im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
