can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am one with the molecules
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
