My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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