Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
