i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
