the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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