the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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