omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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