Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
