I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Sponge bath it is.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
