bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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