Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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