genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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