What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize