There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
