Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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