I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
