No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
