just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize