Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
