Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
