I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
