I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
