I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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