Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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