You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Randomize
