Farmville is her only friend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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