What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize