I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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