We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
