I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
