Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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