Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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