I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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