it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
