Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
