We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize