He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
