Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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