So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
