I'm so fucking centered right now
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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