its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
