They should really pass out barf bags in church
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
