I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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