I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
