guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
