this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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