I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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