$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
