So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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