i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
