also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
