dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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